Also, This:

http://buenothebear.com/natasha.html

the man moth mistook for moons

had a good cry last night. with someone who i guess is becoming an old friend, among other things.

wish i could read thoughts. or i wish people could read mine.

i feel like i have to blink more lately. i think things are getting too heavy for me this month and i can't quite take it all in. i wonder what it would be like to be friends with my grandma when she was 18 and i wonder if anyone else in my family has ever been as reckless as me. i wonder if i'll ever see her again. and i guess i also wonder what comes over me when night turns to dawn.

exhausted on the state lines. my biggest comfort are the august cicadas, among other things.

golden rods hum

today kcai's orientation sent out the freshman class to do volunteer work in the community. they sent me out in a group to a native plant rain garden.

the garden was designed to absorb pollutants out of water run off to keep it from the creek that ran at the bottom of the garden.

i like the feeling of being dirty while you sweat, and i guess i don't know why either of those things appeal to me. i saw a pieridae sulphur butterfly with bright green eyes and pink legs and splots on it's wings and a few burly dragonflies and a lot of beautiful honey bees. i saw one bee that if i've ever seen before i don't know where that was all blacks and greys. like if a honey bee was in an old movie.

we found a homeless persons belongings and someone made a joke about how they wished their living room was a garden, and it reminded me of when they shot down the wendy bird in peter pan and the lost boys made her a house of flowers to live in until she was better.

also my grandma alice has been having multiple minor strokes and i'm really worried about her. i guess it hasn't hit me that she's never going to be the same person again because of it. i'd like to go and see her soon...

Bleeding KS

officially.

The grass under puddles

my closest friend in wichita moved to lawrence today, and i'll follow suit and move to kcmo this thursday.

for her last day in town, we didn't worry. i think probably it was our last real day of summer. we ate cookies and we watched movies and we played in the rain. i thought about how lucky i was to spend high school with these gals, and just how much i will miss wichita.

tuesday i'm getting my second tattoo. of my beloved john brown with his hand up, framed by wheat. cause the best place for lovin' someone is usually between stalks of wheat. hope it turns out okay.

it usually does.